Wednesday, May 06, 2009
A Mikalogue we hear every weekend morning
Morning has broken,
Like the first morning...
Kit: Oh, man...
Blackbird has spoken
Like the first bird,
Gareth: Wsf? Is she at it again?
Mika must kill it,
Open the catflap,
Also want kibble...
Gareth: What time is it?
Kit: About ten past seven...
Time to get up.
Out in the garden
Ought to be peeing,
Marking of homeland,
Let Mika out...
Kit: Is there any way we can explain the concept of weekends to her?
Mika the brilliant
Helps to remind you
Where duty lies.
Kit: Man, now she's clawing the carpet again.
Gareth: Do you think if we pinned it down, it would bang against the floor less loudly?
Kit: She knows exactly what she's doing.
Litter tray worthless,
Mika rejects it.
Open the door, or
Pees on your plants.
Daddy should get up,
Does every morning,
Both you stop lazing,
Mika wants food.
Kit: I'd feed her, but I don't want to positive-reinforce this behaviour.
Kit: How can you sleep through this?
Mika: Must rest a minute to polish vocal pipes and see if they get point.
Kit: Ah, quiet. Okay, maybe it's a fair time to feed her.
Mika: Aha! There you are. Demand service immediately!
Kit: Are you going to do this tomorrow morning as well?
Mika: Course. Here by popular request.
Kit: Bleh. Baby, the popular request in our bed is that you let us sleep on weekend mornings.
Mika: Mika has many blog fans, and votes their proxy. Morning has broken...
Kit: Curse you all.
Since Miss Libby, of the canine persuasion, behaves similarly every morning at six in the freaking a of m, I think you owe Mika a fish treat for letting you lollygag in bed so tardily.
Boyne the Old sends greetings to Mika the Lovely and Talented, with his admiration for stating her case and standing upon her rights in so creative a fashion.
Me: Boyne! Stop that! Don't encourage her! Those poor people need their sleep!
Boyne: Hungry cat is more important than dozy humans. Took me years to train you, after all; you is slow and sleepy. Speaking of which, bowl is empty RIGHT NOW!
Me: Bye, Kit & Mika, I have to go feed the cat now.
Boyne: Is about time. Mrrr.
Oh, I forgot to mention: my daughter, lucky thing, is actually in London as we speak--well, as I type. So if you see a clueless American teenager stumbling around on the Victoria line, tell her that her cat misses her. And to take those earphones out of her ears when she travels.
What, London is full of clueless American teenagers? Oh, well.
word: tinpet. It'll never substitute for a real live cat.
Mika has clearly taken lessons from Fergus, who has learnt by dint of much experimentation, that he need only emit one strangled "meoawrrrl" at any time of day to ensure food is provided.
Simple solution: get up, feed Mika, let Mika do her business. When Mika has been taken care of, the humans can go back to bed.
What? You can't just curl up and fall into a snooze at any time? Silly primates!
Resistance is futile.
Word: morraw. The sound my little four-footed angel makes at 5 AM on a Saturday. Right into my ear.
Mika has been talking to my cat Mikey. He's all "It's five a.m. you always get up now to FEEEEEEED ME!!! Get up! Get up!" and then he proceeds to pat my face.Post a comment
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