The request from Jarred L. Harris: I'd love to see a Mikalogue in which she reflects on humans. I'd love to see more of how she perceives human behavior, possibly that of the humans she behaves.
The result:
Treatise on Human Behaviour by Mika The Scientific
Observation: Humans behaviour is sometimes feedin Mika and sometimes ignorin.
Hypothesis: Feedin behaviour can be encouraged and ignorin behaviour discouraged.
Experiments to date:
1. Singing the Feed Me Song on its own.
Observation: Sometimes Kit feeds when hearing the Feed Me Song.
Experiment: Sing the Feed Me Song at regular intervals.
Outcome: Kit does not invariably feed.
Conclusion: Ineffective method without backup.
2. Scratching sofa.
Observation: When scratch sofa, Kit looks round, then sometimes feeds.
Experiment: Scratch sofa more.
Outcome: Initially Kit fed. After a few days, moved to ignoring. Then moved to the Squirter, resulting in wet fur.
Conclusion: Ineffective method with negative consequences.
3. Observing the dinner bell, which comes from little box Kit talks into.
Observation: Often Kit hears dinner bell, picks up box and says, 'Hi honey, are you on your lunch break?' Then feeds Mika.
Experiment: Tried singing the Feed Me Song whenever dinner bell box rings.
Outcome: Sometimes Kit says 'Okay honey' and feeds, sometimes says 'Honey, it's not lunchtime' and doesn't feed.
Conclusion: Method bears further investigation.
4. Improving paper and card on the table.
Observation: When Mika plays with paper and conquers (Mika the Mighty), Kit hears noise and looks round.
Experiment: Chew up paper when hungry then sang the Feed Me Song when Kit looked round.
Result: Initially Kit ignored, then moved to the Squirter, resulting in wet fur.
Conclusion: Inadvisable method when Squirter to hand.
Overall conclusion: Humans prove responsive to stimuli, but in limited ways, either due to failings of intelligence or moral character. Strong conditioning may be necessary to shape behaviour for maximum efficiency. Mika The Scientific's Excellent Research Centre open to all offers of funding to pursue further study; will accept cash or kibble.
With thanks to Jarred from his generosity.
