Mika: Hellooo!!!

Guest: Agh!

Kit: What's the matter?

Guest: Oh, nothing, nothing. Um ... your cat just jumped up and it kind of startled me.

Kit: Oh dear, are you uncomfortable with cats?

Guest: Er - yes, just a bit.

Mika: Wanna be friends? Let us sniff each other.

Kit: Mika honey, come over here and stop bothering the nice guest.

Mika: But is interestin. New person. Have to get acquainted!

Kit: Okay, I'm scooping you up.

Mika: You is distractin Mika! Put down!

Kit: Look, a catnip toy! Sorry, she's just kind of curious.

Mika: Ooh, catnip! Kickity kickity kick! Groovy.

Guest: That's okay. It's just ... well, cats move kind of suddenly, don't they? I mean, one minute they're on the other side of the room, and them boom, there they are on the arm of your - aaagh!

Mika: Hellooo! Mika is back. Let us resume our acquaintance.

Kit: Would you like me to lock her in another room?

Guest: ... Er ...

Kit: Come on, Mika sweetie, it's kitchen time.

Mika: Nooo! Nooo! Open dooor! Thought you loooved! Let oooout!

Guest: I'm sorry about this.

Kit: No, it's okay. I'll fuss her more when you've gone.

Mika: Woooe!!! Is prisoner!

Kit: Life can be a serious of conflicting demands...

Mika: Ommmm...

Kit: Don't you mean 'prr', sweetie?

Mika: No. Is practisin.

Kit: What for, honey?

Mika: Ommm - is refinin technique.

Kit: You're kneading me like a nice girl, aren't you?

Mika: This not kneadin. Mika is studyin shiatsu.

Kit: You're massaging me?

Mika: Yep. Has money-makin scheme for office cats. We is natural masseurs. All cats knead with skill. Is gap in market. We starts stable of cats to go round offices an massage all the tense execs. Can make a fortune!

Kit: You think?

Mika: Oh yes. We starts with high-profit City firms. Must all be tense there, havin no cats.

Kit: Couldn't you stick to ones with ethical profiles?

Mika: Mean less money?

Kit: Yes, but better karma. That would be good for your shiatsu, I think. And ethical firms are a growth industry.

Mika: If we goes with firms you wants, you gets a smaller cut.

Kit: Oh, am I included in this business?

Mika: Course. You does paperwork. Paper really for chewin, but Mika's accountant has all sorts of different ideas.

Kit: Well, that's very nice of you to include me, sweetheart.

Mika: You has always been Mika's employee. We is just diversifyin. Now shh, this massage take concentration.

... and here's the list of everyone who contributed to the discussion.

Naomi, Donalbain, Jane Draycott, Wolfa, Ursula L, Jos, Cowboy Diva, Robb, Joolya, Christopher Subich, Hapax, Linda Coleman, Practicallyevil, Wesley Parish, Margaret Yang, Sunlizzard, Lauren, Ecks, Michael Mock, Sheila O’Shea, Alfgifu, and everyone who falls into the category of Anonymous.

As the book has to be in by Friday, if I've missed you, misspelled you or misrepresented you, now's the time to speak up; otherwise, this is the list as it'll stand.

So, if you want something changed or I've overlooked you, e-mail kitwhitfield@hotmail.com and I'll revise it. (Or post your complaint here, of course.)